Misery Loves Company
by Spiderinmytea
Summary: AU Oneshot. Demyx is a man on a mission. That mission being “Get Axel to buy or rent his own apartment so my mom will stop bothering me about him living in our basement.” Slight Akuroku.


**Summary**: Demyx is a man on a mission. That mission being "Get Axel to buy/rent his own apartment so my mom will stop bothering me about him living in our basement."

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**A/N**: Hellllooo. I had a lot of fun writing this, so hopefully you'll have fun reading it. Remember to review. :D 

**Warnings:** Mention of slash, smoking, cursing. Oh, and animal cruelty. (jp!) If any of these actually bother you then... D:

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or anything. ): Not for lack of trying.

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**MISERY LOVES COMPANY **

Demyx decided it was high-time he checked out the damage. That and his mother started dropping not-so-subtle hints for him to suggest his cousin move out (read: "Tell him his days are numbered"). He took the extremely depressing trip to the hole that his basement had become, kicking a pair of pants from the bottom steps and trudged on.

He flicked on the light. It was worse than he'd thought.

Axel lay draped over the couch wincing all bleary-eyed at him. It might have been a trick of the light, but his eyes looked a bit sunken in. It was pathetic. This is what a week of angst in isolation will do to you, he thought grimly. He didn't even have the energy to do more than prop himself up on his elbows and flick off his cousin, and even then he collapsed back onto his pillow.

"You can't still be upset over Rona," he groaned as he tried to work his way around the debris of dirty clothes and various containers for fast food that lay scattered around and on the coffee table. Also there were his mother's ceramic Hindu goddesses and blue-eyed kittens.

Grunt.

"I'd dump you too if I caught you making out with my brother." But since he's Axel's cousin too, that analogy was lost on him.

Grunt.

"Maybe the reason you can't get chicks is because you're a college student living in your younger cousin's basement," Demyx said helpfully as he picked up the plate of half-eaten lasagna from under the bed.

Axel blinked curiously at him, as though considering this point.

"Or because you're a flaming homosexual. Just a thought," he added, which was more to the route of the problem. "Look, I've got some little booklets for you to look through." Demyx shoved said apartment booklets into his hand, curling his lazy fingers around them. It took a few tries to get him to hold onto it, but once he succeeded he straightened up and grinned. "Think about it, okay?"

At least mom'll get off my back now, he thought, whistling as he went back up, skipping two steps at a time.

--

A few days later, Axel emerged from his lair, almost looking what the blonde could call "decent." He stumbled into the kitchen wear a striped sock on his left foot and no sock on the other, a pair of mercilessly tight jeans (as ever), a nondescript white shirt and bags under his eyes.

"Going to class today, are we?" his aunt said sharply from behind the kitchen counter.

"I figured I should, before I fall," he yawned, "Behind." The redhead pulled a stool toward the breakfast table and made a show of putting on his other sock.

--

Axel thought he might be charitable one Saturday and actually flipped through the previously neglected apartment/home magazines. He took a red sharpie and circled adverts at random. That was why a few of his "picks" had 7 rooms and an indoor pool, or a greenhouse, and had areas to house large reptiles.

During his usual run for cigarettes at the tiny and decrepit corner store he even picked up some Arizona tea for his mulleted relative. When the brunette behind the counter gave him a weird look, he merely shrugged and she swept the items into a plastic bag suspiciously.

He lit up on is way out and pushed the door open with his shoulder. The bell on the door jingled to announce his exit.

--

"Question," said Demyx suddenly as the two were pouring over little realty magazines and the advertisement section of the _Times_

"What?" Axel snarled rolling over onto a pile of periodicals that had been dumped on his bed. He had secretly been reading an article in the Entertainment section.

"How do you plan on affording a penthouse apartment in Hollow Bastion?" he asked delicately.

"What d'you mean?"

"You circled it. Right here," He held the cut-out up. It showed a black and white picture of a luxurious apartment with high ceilings and tall windows that let the sunlight into the well-decorated space. It was also well-filled with ferns.

"Beats me," he said, stretching. "I don't have munny for a night in a hotel room."

"You waitress. What about that?"

"It's not _waitressing,_ it's serving. And your mom doesn't pay me anything. That's probably slave labor, legally, by the way," he said casually. He worked weekends serving in his aunt's Indian restaurant. He did get to keep tips though, so it wasn't so bad that he couldn't afford to buy his own food (i.e.: Amazing Burger and Taco Tower).

"I'll talk to her about that," he replied, brows furrowed to make him look so serious Axel probably _couldn't_ take him seriously. "In the mean time, don't you have a bank account, or a fund, or something?"

Axel scratched his head. Less in thought and more in frustration at the onslaught of questions. "Yeah, I guess. It's emergency munny. In case I break my leg or something." No one could ever really understand how close he came to injuries on a day-to-day basis, and so Demyx sympathized and decided his mom needed to be part of the solution.

--

"This is it. I'll be five minutes, I'm just going to tidy up a bit," said the white-haired apartment owner. From what they could see when he opened the door it was surgically clean, but Demyx didn't mind, and Axel wasn't paying attention. He was busy fiddling with some lint from the pocket of his jacket.

A calico cat wandered out of the apartment, whose door was left ajar so the two could see a sliver of the apartment. It actually looked nice, if you had a really good imagination and could mentally disappear the awkward furniture that dressed the living room.

The cat seemed to take an instant liking to Axel, who flicked away his lint and crouched down to pet the cat. Demyx rolled his eyes, as animals all seemed to decide upon his birth that they would all hate him, and he was very bitter. He looked off into the street. The parking lot was all cracked and the trees planted around it seemed to be growing unchecked. "Stop playing with the cat."

"Lenore," he corrected, picking it up sloppily. He cradled it in his arms and smirked.

"How do you know its name?"

"It says here on the tag, dipshit," he said, cooing affectionately at Lenore, who looked mildly annoyed with his attentions. It wriggled out of his grasp, and returned to its post at Axel's legs.

Demyx shooed the cat away bitterly, threatening it with a kick from his size elevens.

Axel set out to find a new form of entertainment, and found it in the information flyer his cousin had collected from the owner. Demyx was interested to see him gaze so intently at the sheet, but was glad to see him participating.

"You know, if you switch up the letters, his name says Mansex."

"What?" he hissed. "Can you at least try to pretend you're actually considering at this place?"

"I haven't seen the inside of it," he said, shrugging carelessly. "So that makes him 'Mansex' Noman. Ain't that the truth."

"Give me that."

After a good 45 minutes of waiting for the apartment owner to "tidy up" Demyx realized they'd been locked out of the prospective apartment, and Axel had exhausted his funds on the vending machine downstairs.

--

Day Three didn't bring any good news.

Or any news. Not that Demyx expected the owner of only nice apartment they'd seen to be okay with opening the door to a gangly red head with facial tattoos and a cloud of smoke. The place was covered in framed pictures.

She smiled kindly and them in, but she wasn't stupid.

So they went on another field trip to the other side of town to see a ridiculously cheap one room apartment in a community with a swimming pool. The picture showed it to be of adequate size, but covered in leaves. There was no picture of the apartment's interior.

"Why're you still wearing sunglasses?" Axel asked as they fast-walked after the bored, no-nonsense apartment manager. As far as he could tell, today was pretty cloudy, and he had good vision. 20/15, in fact.

"So I look authoritative. I read about it on a blog. This way they won't step all over us."

"You look like a fag."

"You're one to talk," he said, pulling a face behind his hand, because he was 'tuff'. "That reminds me, _don't _talk."

After a short but brisk walk, they arrived at the apartment. The golden numbers on the door were spotted and dirty.

"Here she is, 608," the land lord said, swinging the key ring you almost couldn't see for how many keys were jammed onto it. After a short search, he found the apartment's key and lazily unlocked it.

Axel grimaced at the alarming scent of Old that immediately attacked his nose when the door to 608 was opened. Obviously this wasn't The One. The blonde stepped in politely, but his cousin prodded the carpeting with his black converse experimentally. Carpet should not be that fluffy and should not be that tall.

"Now, of course, this is the living room..."

The tour didn't take very long. The kitchen was located right next to the door, and from just outside the threshold one could count the number of room in the tiny apartment. One. The living room led to the single bedroom, and that, he guessed, had a little bathroom.

The land lord left them promptly after.

"It's sort of homey, I guess?" he said feebly, taking off his sunglasses.

"This place is a piece of shit. There's no fucking way," his cousin said upon entering the yellow-tiled kitchen with kitschy turquoise cabinets. The handles were seashells.

"But look, it comes with a fridge." He opened said refrigerator, which was an ugly off-white, maybe beige, to reveal a celebratory pie with a candle stuck in it. He poked his head in, found it surprisingly warm, and saw that the card sitting on the crust said THANKS FOR RENTING.

"That's so cute. Look, Axel, if you rent the apartment you get a pie."

"It's got green stuff on it," he grunted, ever the cloud that rained upon Demyx's parade of Optimism.

There were still a few alphabet magnets left from the previous occupant and with these Demyx busied himself, spelling out a pathetic plea for HLP and with what remained, something that was probably a penis. Axel, meanwhile, sat sullen on the electric orange kitchen top. He looked at the giant brown stain on the ceiling with a quiet indifference.

A creak from the door announced the land lord and the blonde quickly shuffled the magnets behind his back. "So what do you think?" he asked.

Axel put his hands in his back pockets and stood slouched, perfectly conveying his dissatisfaction. His cousin caught that, but nevertheless tried to appeal to his better nature with an 'oh, c'mon, it's not that bad' face.

"Thanks, but no th--"

Demyx let out a big sigh, mentally going through the specifics of their next destination. He needed gas, he thought blankly.

Roxas looked into the apartment with interest, unfazed at the smell. His smelt something like it, and he wasn't as picky, being a Poor College Student himself. He nodded a Hello at the land lord, who he knew as Uncle Cid.

"Are you going to be renting this apartment? I live right across from here." The spikey-haired blonde pointed down the hall. He stepped under the near-failing florescent light of the little kitchen and Axel knew he was definitely a keeper.

"Uh, I'll take it,"

"Good, good," said the Manager.

"Hope you like the pie. I baked it myself, but that was a few weeks ago, so I can't vouch on how fresh it is," said his new neighbor, looking a bit guilty.

"I'm sure it's great."

--

Approximately 3 months later Axel overheard this as he walked up the stairs to his apartment building:

"I just don't think you can date a guy who has bright blue cabinets."

"They're… turquoise."

"Same difference,"

Axel was later seen with a bucket of Eggshell White.

Approximately one week later, Cid walked in on his nephew and the occupant of 608.

Axel was later evicted.

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**A/N**: Okay! So either you read it, or you just like spoiling the end for yourself. To each his own. I'd appreciate a review from youuu. Reviewers make better lovers. ;D

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